- come home .. -

sometimes I wonder just what it would take. what it would take to have you come back to me. you were the best part of my life. we didnt spend as much time together as we had hoped. where did it go wrong? why did we fall apart. why did you walk away. why why why. so many times ive told you how much I loved you . what i was whilling to do to keep you in my arms. that i would fight for you; for us. but yet you still left. you still took the easyer road. leaving me. leaving us. what made it so easy ? was I just not that good enough? how is it that every memory we ever made was so easy to put away ? its not for me. I still cry. I pray even. pray that you will come home. where I know you belong. with me . we were once envyed. people wanted what we had. i still want it. after everything. after the cheating & lying. I love you , Gregory Thomas Brawn. you were, and still are, and always will be. the love of my life. im young, I know. and maybe thats why you left. were you scared of finding the one so early ? I was. but everytime I looked in your eyes I saw myself. I say you . I saw us, being happyer then ever. even the fights couldnt break us. I love you . and I cry because maybe.. we arent ment to be. and that scares me. I hope one day you come across this, and see that you mean the world to me. I adore you . I adore who I was when I was with you . I adore, you .

- where do I go from here -

you know , I hate when people talk about lost love. how they want us all to pity them. because , they seem to not know what real love is. & maybe thats what everyone thinks now. maybe they all think I dont know what real love is. I think they are wrong. love isnt about being in fantasy mode. I wasnt. there were problems . there were mistakes & heart break. but there was also good times. God, he means the world to me. I mean , i never fought for him to stay. Because someone once told me that if something truely ment something to you , and it happened to slip away. let it go. because if they return, you know it was all worth it in the end. and if they dont , then you know it was neevr worth it. he called. me told me he misses me. he wanted to think about us . he's been thinking about me. does it mean he's coming back ? i dont know. sometimes i wish, because I love him. he will NEVER understand just how much i do. no one will . people tell me all the time he is so bad for me. but hes not. ive learned so much from him. i miss the fights, the laughter, the smiles,EVERYTHING. id give all i had to be in his arms again. maybe one day he will stumble across this post. maybe, one day, he will realise & come home ...